Wake me up when this dream ends.

Yes, to answer you question. I am slightly crazy...maybe even fully crazy. But if anyone knows me well enough then they will know this already. (So it shouldn't be much of a shock.) Life is about doing this out of the ordinary, I fully believe anyways. If you were to live life doing everything normal and boring then...well, I feel sorry for you. Life is so short, I am nearly 19 and I know that is so young. I have no gray hair, gravity hasn't pulled much down yet, and I have all of my teeth and they are aligned quite well. But, you get my point. I can't believe these years have gone by and I am just living this mediocre life. Life has been super, don't get me wrong. But I feel like I need to do something random, spontaneous, out of the normal everyday life. Right now, my life consists of waking up, working, working out, eat, sleep, REPEAT. I am taking a year off of school if you didn't know that already. I know that the typical judgement placed on a graduate from high school is "Oh, she's taking a year off from school? She's NEVER going to go back." WRONG. THINK AGAIN, people. I went back and forth so much with trying to decide what I was going to do that I honestly took that as a sign from God to take a year off and figure things out. Don't jump into something that you are only half way about. So what am I doing might you ask instead of going to school? Well, as previously stated: working. Working to save for something incomparable to anything I have ever done.

I am going to the UK, you guys. On December 28th I will be flying out of Des Moines to Glasgow, Scotland. Long story short, my mom has known this family since she was little from Scotland that are willing to have me. I will stay there for a few weeks, then go to London to stay with a host family, and also some stops in the Midlands. (AND NO A CERTAIN BOY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.) Don't even think that. haha, seriously. I am going solely to find myself. Cliche? Maybe. But I have this opportunity and I would be absolutely....I can't even find the word. RETARDED maybe??! I feel so content with this opportunity and every time I think about it I grin from ear to ear. It seems so unreal. Pinch me, please. Because I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now. It will be so refreshing, exciting, new....everything. The best part is, I won't be returning until March.

Keep reading this blog, I will keep updating you with all the exciting details.

My heart is screaming...

I believe that if two people are meant to be together that they will, regardless of what anyone thinks. If two people cross paths there IS a reason whether you want to believe it or not. Maybe it's for something big, or something as small as...showing them God's love-or even God for that matter. It's hard for me to grasp that, that every person you cross paths with, there is a certain reason why you did. I don't believe that meeting anyone is an accident especially when they seem to mean so much to you. I met someone, that may be gone now but I miss them. The worst feeling is, is not knowing if they will be back. But sometimes, that's life. Life has uncertainty-and it sucks, bad. But I know that if God wants someone in your life they will be with no exceptions. I'm one that wants my way, when I want it. But I need to come to reality and tell myself that it's ALL in God's timing. Everything is is God's timing, not yours, or mine.

I have not missed someone this much in a very long time-if ever. Every day I think about this person or come across something that reminds me of them. (It's almost annoying). I feel like there's actually something in my heart that is empty because this person isn't here. There's a hole that screams "I miss you" and I need you to come back. So be it if I sound lame, or naive to the fact that I really most likely won't see Him again. If that's the case then the joke's on me.

So if you're reading this...if YOU are reading this. The person that I'm talking about. First off, I'm going to feel ridiculous and slightly embarassed that you are reading this. Second off, I miss you and I want you to come back. You mean more to me than I think you know.

I feel so speechless-so why am I blogging?

I can't sleep. Almost feel like I can't function because there's too much jumping around in this brain of mine. I'm a little upset right now-that's not the point. I am in a total state of BLANK. EMPTY. LOST. I have been thinking lately: Life is so short. It truly is. So make sure you're doing everything to live life to its fullest. I am laying here at 1:55 AM just thinking, listening to music, watching my candle slowly flame in the dark and doing some intense thinking about...well, everythng. Do I have to be specific? In 149 days my life will be changed. I know...I know...you all want details. But I just can't right now. Especially this instant. I just can't do it.

Have you ever wondered where you were truly meant to be? You know, wondering if this is where you're supposed to be in life? Well, that's where I'm at right now. I can't really come up with the words. I'm confused.

Here ends my random blog about pretty much nothing.