Beauty and Beyond

Wake me up when this dream ends.

2010-09-07T18:42:00.003-05:00

Yes, to answer you question. I am slightly crazy...maybe even fully crazy. But if anyone knows me well enough then they will know this already. (So it shouldn't be much of a shock.) Life is about doing this out of the ordinary, I fully believe anyways. If you were to live life doing everything normal and boring then...well, I feel sorry for you. Life is so short, I am nearly 19 and I know that is so young. I have no gray hair, gravity hasn't pulled much down yet, and I have all of my teeth and they are aligned quite well. But, you get my point. I can't believe these years have gone by and I am just living this mediocre life. Life has been super, don't get me wrong. But I feel like I need to do something random, spontaneous, out of the normal everyday life. Right now, my life consists of waking up, working, working out, eat, sleep, REPEAT. I am taking a year off of school if you didn't know that already. I know that the typical judgement placed on a graduate from high school is "Oh, she's taking a year off from school? She's NEVER going to go back." WRONG. THINK AGAIN, people. I went back and forth so much with trying to decide what I was going to do that I honestly took that as a sign from God to take a year off and figure things out. Don't jump into something that you are only half way about. So what am I doing might you ask instead of going to school? Well, as previously stated: working. Working to save for something incomparable to anything I have ever done.

I am going to the UK, you guys. On December 28th I will be flying out of Des Moines to Glasgow, Scotland. Long story short, my mom has known this family since she was little from Scotland that are willing to have me. I will stay there for a few weeks, then go to London to stay with a host family, and also some stops in the Midlands. (AND NO A CERTAIN BOY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.) Don't even think that. haha, seriously. I am going solely to find myself. Cliche? Maybe. But I have this opportunity and I would be absolutely....I can't even find the word. RETARDED maybe??! I feel so content with this opportunity and every time I think about it I grin from ear to ear. It seems so unreal. Pinch me, please. Because I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now. It will be so refreshing, exciting, new....everything. The best part is, I won't be returning until March.

Keep reading this blog, I will keep updating you with all the exciting details.

My heart is screaming...

2010-08-01T16:29:00.002-05:00

I believe that if two people are meant to be together that they will, regardless of what anyone thinks. If two people cross paths there IS a reason whether you want to believe it or not. Maybe it's for something big, or something as small as...showing them God's love-or even God for that matter. It's hard for me to grasp that, that every person you cross paths with, there is a certain reason why you did. I don't believe that meeting anyone is an accident especially when they seem to mean so much to you. I met someone, that may be gone now but I miss them. The worst feeling is, is not knowing if they will be back. But sometimes, that's life. Life has uncertainty-and it sucks, bad. But I know that if God wants someone in your life they will be with no exceptions. I'm one that wants my way, when I want it. But I need to come to reality and tell myself that it's ALL in God's timing. Everything is is God's timing, not yours, or mine.

I have not missed someone this much in a very long time-if ever. Every day I think about this person or come across something that reminds me of them. (It's almost annoying). I feel like there's actually something in my heart that is empty because this person isn't here. There's a hole that screams "I miss you" and I need you to come back. So be it if I sound lame, or naive to the fact that I really most likely won't see Him again. If that's the case then the joke's on me.

So if you're reading this...if YOU are reading this. The person that I'm talking about. First off, I'm going to feel ridiculous and slightly embarassed that you are reading this. Second off, I miss you and I want you to come back. You mean more to me than I think you know.

I feel so speechless-so why am I blogging?

2010-07-31T01:51:00.003-05:00

I can't sleep. Almost feel like I can't function because there's too much jumping around in this brain of mine. I'm a little upset right now-that's not the point. I am in a total state of BLANK. EMPTY. LOST. I have been thinking lately: Life is so short. It truly is. So make sure you're doing everything to live life to its fullest. I am laying here at 1:55 AM just thinking, listening to music, watching my candle slowly flame in the dark and doing some intense thinking about...well, everythng. Do I have to be specific? In 149 days my life will be changed. I know...I know...you all want details. But I just can't right now. Especially this instant. I just can't do it.

Have you ever wondered where you were truly meant to be? You know, wondering if this is where you're supposed to be in life? Well, that's where I'm at right now. I can't really come up with the words. I'm confused.

Here ends my random blog about pretty much nothing.

Notting Hill

2010-07-20T00:49:00.002-05:00

Tonight I sat around after my work out and did nothing. Nothing until I realized I was in the mood to watch a random movie like "Notting Hill". I have never seen it before. But what the heck, what could be worse than watching a movie about an English man and an American girl falling for eachother. Sounds familiar. Jokes on me, right?
Anyways, it's probably the best movie I've seen in a while. A classic made in the late 90's...AND it ended in a Shania Twain song. (which I am currently listening to) Check it out....SO 90s but SO good.

Today was kind of a waste of time. I mean, I did nothing but sleep, sleep, eat a bit, work out, think about next year, and watch Notting Hill. Did I mention I was thinking about next year a lot and wondering where I'd be. Kind of exciting to say the least. I can not give any details yet because I want people to actually be shocked. I feel like nobody believes in me until it actually happens. I know I change my mind a lot, and all of that. But, I want people to actually believe in me for once. Even though I'm indecisive and sometimes don't always follow through on things...I want all of you to read my blog, or listen to me and be shocked at what I tell you. Trust me, that day will come.

I've come to the realization....

2010-07-18T20:42:00.002-05:00

That.....I let people sort of walk all over me. Example? Do I really need one? Uhhhh....alright, so basically you know the guy that I sort of have the hotts for? The Brit? Yeah. Well, I have come to the conclusion that I let him have the control. He only talks to me when HE wants to. He only responds to me when HE wants to, and one moment he can be this HUGE JERK and a few hours later he can apologize and be the nicest guy again. So you're probably thinking I tell him whats up and never talk to him again? AS IF! I keep talking to him and pretend like nothing happened. (After telling him to never talk to me like he did.) ehhm. Besides that point. Why is it that guys are about at bipolar as woman these days?

Here ends my rant.

Hi, my name is Hilary and I'm unemployed. Yes, AGAIN.

2010-07-10T16:22:00.003-05:00

Many of you know that I've been one to skip around jobs quit a bit and never really stay content with one thing. But this summer as you all know I had the opportunity to be a nanny. It's been pretty good. Oh excuse me, I MEAN it was going good until Friday the mother decided to let me know it'd be my last day because they were going to be gone for a couple weeks and have family nanny the kids the rest of the summer. Did I know this when I took the job in May? No. Was I counting on over 1,000 dollars to come my way until mid-August? Yes. Am I mad? YES! Not only was I counting on the money, but....okay, that's it I WAS COUNTING ON THE MONEY! So now I have to try and find something new to do and not sure what. I need money though. I have a lot right now but it's all for savings for certain reasons.

SIDE NOTE: Jessie Zeigler, you should hire me to do something. Clean, cook, watch your boys? ;) Just kidding. But seriously.

Anyways, I am just alittle frustrated right now as you can see. But through it all I know that it will be okay.<---------Easier said than done, right?

Nicholas Sparks would totally dig this.

2010-07-08T13:54:00.005-05:00

So many of you who have Facebook I'm sure remember a few weeks back when my status' only consisted of my excitement of a certain British Lad. He was special indeed and I can honestly say it was the best week of my summer by far. Have you ever wondered why people are brought into your life? I mean, seriously thought about it? It's kind of strange and hard to wrap our small minds around. At least for me it is, especially in this case. He still has a piece of my heart, and though it's likely I may never see him again, I will remember what we had. I know it may seem like a cliche' little love story that I am about to tell but, it almost is one of those cliche' Nicholas Sparks stories. I never knew I'd have that happen to me but so glad it did.

It was a cloudy Monday morning, the second week in June to pinpoint it exactly. Sam and Hannah(the kids I nanny for) started soccer camp for the week and I wasn't exactly too thrilled about it. It was an early morning camp that ran from 9AM-noon everyday. So the only thing I had to do was either stay in town and diddle-daddle around, stay and watch their practice, or go back to their house(which is far in the country) and sleep. I had my options open to whatever...but basically I was annoyed that I had to drive them so much and didn't have anything to do. Anyways, so the camp started off at Island Park on that Monday. I remember it exactly, it was misting, slightly humid, buggy, and isolated at the fields. I pulled up seeing only a few people there and some cute dude in a blue soccer uniform. I sat in the car for a few minutes in a little bitchy mood and told the kids to just chill for a few minutes in the car until the rest of the kids showed up. They of course wanted to get out of the car right away. I gave up and told them to get out and go kick the ball around or whatever. I then decided to be a responsible nanny and get out of the car and see who the coach was and where they were both supposed to be. So I get out and walk over slowly to this lady and asked "Hey, I'm the kids nanny, do you know who their coach is?" She pointed to the guy in the blue uniform who was staring at me. "ello" he said in his distinct British accent. (side note: it made me go weak in the knees.) "Hey, so you're the coach, alright well...cool." I said. It was kind of an awkward situation...but we made some small talk. So I gave him the kids names and I proceeded to get in my car and brainstorm what I was going to do for the next four hours. It ended up I ran into town to get a couple things and then I ended up going back to the field and sitting in my car, listening to music, reading a page of a book before getting distracted by the British accent that I could hear because my window was partially down. I then updated my Facebook status to "Cute British boy coaching the kids I nanny for allll week." I then kept listening to him talking and found out he was a pro soccer player for Liverpool or something big over there but hurt himself so he's just semi-pro now. (Must be rough).

As the morning went on, I went back into town for something and then came back and got Sam because his practice ended earlier than Hannah's. I got out of the car and proceeded to walk over towards the Brit. We made small talk and I found out his name was Phil. The first question he asked me besides what my name was if there was a place in town he could have a beer. (Can't say I blame him after being around all these kids) ;) I told him about Kinnick's in town, but told him he'd probably have better luck in Des Moines. To make a long story short He eventually asked for my number, and texted me as soon as I left. We talked that whole day through texting and that night I ended up taking him out on a tour of Des Moines. Phil never ceased to amaze me through everything he said and how he acted towards me. He literally treated me better than any guy I had been out with. He kissed my hand, and opened the car door for me that night. It was a night filled of cute romance with a boy who only seemed to exist in the fairy tales. He even gave me one of his bracelets that smelled of him(creepy I know.)

So Tuesday morning arrived and I can't say there had been a time I jumped out of bed fast enough to go nanny. I knew I got to see him again that morning. We hung out not only Tuesday night, but Wednesday night, Thursday night, AND Friday night. Each night was so incredible and each moment we spent together seemed like a dream, like I needed knocked up the side of the head. We went out to eat, walked around the lake, and he even met my parents. But the truth is, I started thinking about how once Friday night came that would be it. I would have to say goodbye and I was partially in denial about that because I know there is a chance I'd never see him again. Friday night was amazing, just like the rest. He left my house after 1am and after standing in the doorway of my house for like 20 trying to say goodbye, and another 5 outside of my house, and 5 by his car, he pulled off and It sucked. The whole time he held me, and wiped the tears from my eyes promising that he'd see me again. Who promises those things? Because in reality I probably won't see him again and that tears my heart into two. You know what else sucks? The blankets STILL smell of him downstairs in the basement, and one of the shirts I wore around him, that I haven't washed yet, STILL smells like him. I know I sound like a total creep for even smelling the blankets. But it's not my fault I am female and admit it you would do the same thing. It seems like a part of him is still here, though he's really not.

Sometimes I try to tell myself that it would have been easier if we would have never met. That if he wouldn't have been brought here, if I was never the kids nanny, we would have never met and never fallen for each other. Or maybe I'm the one who has fallen and he's forgotten about me. There goes my mind again.....Do you know what I mean though? What was the purpose of us meeting if he just gets pulled out of my life. It hurts so bad. Do you think that if I'm supposed to see him again I will? I try to tell myself that to make myself feel better. But whatever, reality has set it and Phil isn't here.

Nannyhood.

2010-07-07T14:54:00.004-05:00

Today has been rather eventful to say the least. You should all know that I nanny two kids everyday and to be blunt they ride on my last nerve. Buy hey, I can't think of better birth control. Especially the days when they are absolutely ornery, loud, rude, obnoxious...etc. Nothing gets to me more than kids who aren't disciplined the right way. My kids will not move a muscle and will be well behaved. Okay, that's probably not true. If you all know me I'm kind of a spaz, not to mention I was a horrible kid so I'm pretty sure the genes will be passed down and God will grant me mini Hil's. So these kids ARE typical kids, and I'm really NOT a mean nanny. ;) I'm the closest thing to super-nanny and you can bet me on that. Not only do I watch Hannah who is 8, and Sam who is 4. (The number that comes after 3 and before 5, he always has to remind me)But I also clean and do laundry, cook, clean the pool, fold clothes, fold towels, I have done office work and everything else in between for this family. (Jessie Zeigler I know you want me to come over and rescue you know, right?) ;) I do have a lot of fun here though. We go to the zoo, movies, Living History Farms, bowling, swimming, library....and today we went to the mall. They loved going to Barnes and Noble and as I was sitting looking at travel books they quietly sat in front of the book shelf(minus Sam passing gas and stinking up the section) and read books. If you're Sam you just flip open a chapter book and pretend you are reading. He would rather be farting. Did I mention he chose to fart as the only person during the time we were sitting there came by? Oh, the joys of nannyhood. Friday is the smell of sweet success as I practically sprint out the doors to my car and blast Jason Derulo. Side note: who knew British boys could get me addicted to this kind of music? Not me. Well I have been listening to the same CD for three weeks straight so I can sing to it word for word. Also the girl who I nanny for frequently requests number 7 because it's her favorite. I know, awesome right?

I will reveal part of my news on here. For all of you antsy people waiting from the previous blog. I will NOT be attending college in the Fall. I know you are probably about to crap your pants and if you have my number you are getting ready to text me and wonder what the (fill in the word of your choice)I will be doing. I am going to be working...pick up your jaw...yes, working. But in the meantime I will be in the process of planning something else that DOES involve my future plans and will hopefully lead me to my future. May sound confusing, but I think I know what I'm supposed to do. This will just be helping me decide if it's something I could see myself doing for a lifetime. AHHH, so excited. I can't wait to tell you all more. Trust me, I will be talking more and more about the plans that I have for myself on each blog. Keep in mind I will be sharing with you that the Lord has put in my head because we all know "God knows best, NOT the nanny." In the meantime, keep your pants on and just be patient, okay little ones?

I'm back, kids.

2010-07-06T21:52:00.002-05:00

Well, that was a total un-intentional break from the "blog world". I kind of missed it. The last time I blogged was like right before graduation and I was getting all sappy about the future and how I wanted to accompish all of this stuff. Okay so my plans have changed since then. You know how I was telling all of you fellow blog readers how I was going to go to a ministry school out in LA? Welp, God has directed me otherwise. But I can't say what I'm doing. If you ask, I will probably just not tell you and leave you stumped. It's just in the process of things right now so just hold your lil' pants on and just chill, aight? AIGHT. It's real exciting though, lemme' tell you. It kind of rocks being an adult. My parents literally told me whatever I do they will respect my plans and just be behind me because "Hilary, you are eighteen do whatever you want." So my next plans are ones that I feel oober content about and well I know I change my mind a lot because I'm one of those indecisive girls that drive everyone crazy. I have just been thinking how short life is. You know? I mean if I kick the curb at 80 I will be content. Okay, maybe more so 85-90. But these years seriously fly by and so I am going to do something ridiculous, and totally random, and people are going to judge me for it. But you know what? (crowd echoes "what") I am going to live my life and discover who I am by doing something ridiculous and random. FOR MYSELF. I know it's killing ya'll, whoever is reading this. (cough...cough...Haley Patton) BUT, you will know eventually. I will be on here a lot updating you all on the ridiculous chapters in my life. All of these crazy adventures lead up to the amazing story I will be telling my grandchildren in the book I am going to write. :) Please continue to read my tales. ;)

2010-04-15T09:34:00.002-05:00

The future can be a scary thing. Especially at the fresh age of 18 and you're graduating high school and the world is wide open to you. Graduation is coming up and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. It's a bittersweet feeling and I guess I never thought i'd feel this way. I've always been one to be all "gung ho" about leaving and turning the page to the next chapter in my life. But everything seems to be changing lately, and it's leaving me staring blank into the eyes of myself. Wondering, where is life going to take me? I have SO much I want to accomplish, but to be honest. I'm scared I won't be successful. We all have that fear, or some anyways.
When we walk out the doors of ADM High school on Sunday May 16th, 2010. We will most likely never be back, unless we visit or what not. As we turn our tassles over to the other side of our caps, and unzip our gowns at the end of the day, we will be alumni. I think we're all anxious about graduating, but graduation doesn't JUST mean closing up the books. It means leaving the people we've been close to for so long. Some friendships will last, others won't. It's just a fact of life.
Here's a list of things I want to accomplish within the next 5-10 years:
-Ministry School
-Write a book on my experiences and how my life has changed
-Start my own ministry for struggling teens in the urban calling it "Border to Border" hitting all of the major cities across the united states
-Be known for something. Changing someone's life.
-Study abroad different cultures
-Go to Greece
-Marry and kids...yadda yadda.
-Jump out of a plane
-get several tattoos
-Publicly speak
-Be an aspiring song writer and singer. Even if it's at a local coffee house ;)
-Adopt a child
-Go into the Peace Corps
-Form a band
-Love everyone
-Be the change I want to see in the world.

I could keep going. But as you can see, I want to go far.

Good luck to ALL of my classmates. We did it....well ALMOST :)

one month.

2010-04-06T12:54:00.002-05:00

"About one month left, Hilary. You can do it"

As I am about ready to graduate all I can do is keep telling myself that. No matter how many people annoy me, how many teachers I am sick of, or just burned out of the high school BS altogether. Twelve years with the same people gets old. I am ready to spread my wings...and turn the page into the next chapter in my life. In reality, some people I may never talk to again, or even see. Ever. I am one of the few people that will say, I am totally okay with that. Because the people who I want to know for the rest of my life are not here at school. I do have my friends that I would like to keep in touch with, but, for the most part not many have impacted me a great deal enough for me to want them to stand next to me at my wedding.

You may read this and think that I'm being blunt. Go ahead, think that. Once month left, Hilary.

Summer will be fantastic. My mom is planning us a trip to Captiva Island. Beautiful island off the Gulf of Mexico in Florida. The Island has NO cars, just beautiful beach homes, the ocean, the sun, sand....peace. How sweet will it be to not see any cars once we take the ferry to the island? Amazing. Back to the "simple" life. Well, in a beautiful beach home surrounded by palm trees. Then we're heading up to St. Augustine for a couple days to go to this famous Golf....museam.... for my daddy that is. :) He loves golf. I am looking forward to the day that I walk up to Griebel and can finally say good riddance. Good luck to everyone, you know? But it's time to move forward and Los Angeles will be my next stop. :)

"If you want more love why don't you say so?"

2010-03-22T09:16:00.002-05:00

Oh, John Mayer. Your words bring truth. In everything. Even though you are a complete fraud your music is amazing. I find lyrics to bring me a sense of peace and relaxation. I find myself sitting and just listening to lyrics...the words that relate to my life.

Well, here I am. Sitting slacking off in my second hour open period. First day of the fourth quarter. I graduate in less than TWO months.....BAHHHH! My last day is May 13th! ef. I am so excited. I just have to finish strong....haha, that's a good one. :)

Hm, what else is new? Well, nothing much. Besides working at Victoria's Secret, working out like a nazii, and uhhhh just getting ready to graduate. The best part of life right now is that I'm finally finding out what I want, who I am, and who I need most in my life. God is the one who completes me and I am seeking him more and more. :) What else could I want or need.....nothing.

BEST. SONG. EVER.

2010-03-08T11:35:00.003-06:00

i'm not quite sure how to breathe
without you here
i'm not quite sure if I'm ready to say goodbye
to all we were

be with me
stay with me
just for now
let the time decide when i won't need you

my hand searches for your hand
in a dark room
i can't find you
help me
are you looking for me

can i feel any more
lie to me, i'm fading
i can't drop you
tell me i don't need you

my hand searches for your hand
in a dark room
i can't find you
help me
are you looking for me

etch this into my brain for me
tell me how its supposed to be
where everything will go
and how i'll be without you by my side

my hand searches for your hand
in a dark room
i can't find you
help me
are you looking for me

my hand searches for your hand
in a dark room
i can't find you
help me
are you looking for me

This is such a beautiful song that speaks SO much.

"NEED" by Hana Pestle

Two steps forward::One step back

2010-03-08T09:34:00.002-06:00

So my weekend didn't exactly turn out how I expected. I was being a good friend and totally got effed over. But I believe my mistakes will only mold me into the person that I want to be. Last night was rough. I got home and texted someone special which made it better. Especially since we hadn't talked in a while. The best feeling is when you least expect it that one person comes around and totally can turn your mood into a 180 difference. Out of nowhere. BAM. He knows me.

LA is where my heart is beating towards, maybe?

2010-03-01T11:51:00.003-06:00

So I have been thinking a lot about what the future holds for me. While it's still unknown completely I know that God carries me wherever I go and that in itself is enough for me. I have been questioning what my life will look like after high school and bouncing back from idea to idea for what I want to do. Trust me. I'm already enough of an indecisive girl. Throw in future plans and I get even MORE confused about life.
But I truly think I have made a decision. A decision that will be beneficial to my future. My life. I have been praying that a clear answer would be present in my life and if I'm correct I think that it has come.

I have a desire to do ministry. Be with people. Show them God's love even when they feel like love does not exist. I for one have witnessed his grace, mercy, and unconditional love in the past year. When everything else has fallen apart, He is all I have; all I need. Regardless of where you stand in life He DOES have a plan and will guide you. I have learned so much through this. Anyways, there is this organization called Youth With a Mission(YWAM). It's connected with University of the Nations. Basically there are different bases worldwide and they will train you in ministry and I'll get college credits in Christian Ministry, humanities, and others. I am leaning towards the LA YWAM base. It's called Discipleship training school. I will be in LA for 12 weeks taking classes, learning, preparing to extend my ministry in a foreign country such as North Africa, Thailand, China, Mexico, Costa Rica, or many more locations. So I will be in a far away country for 8 weeks following the 12 weeks in LA. Is that not exciting?! I am super pumped because in LA I will be focusing a lot in the Urban Ministry setting which is my desire! I will have a little house with roommates, meet new people...etc. I'm going to experience SO many different things and I can NOT wait.
I'm pretty sure LA is where I want to be. It's so hard because in almost every state there is a DTS school.
Following the 20 weeks I'm not sure what I'll be doing. I can either stay with YWAM and continue doing more schooling for them or maybe work for them full time. OR I can transfer to a Christian school and my credits will trasfer there if I want to continue my education with something else. I have always dreamed though of starting my own ministry. I am so excited.

I will be continuing to prepare emotionally, physically, and spiritually for this adventure. Prayer is needed.
Thanks for reading. Feedback would be wonderful.

In His Love.

L is for the way you LOOK at me......blahhh.....blah blah....

2010-02-15T21:09:00.003-06:00

OH, Valentine's day. How I love thee. No, really. I love thee.

No matter how cynical I may appear to be about Valentine's day there is something that makes me always love the little holiday. It's so happy. Well, for the most part. Think about it...flowers, kisses, hugs, bright colors, chocolate. What's not happy about any of that? Well for all of us single people it can be a punch in the jugular. I stab in the heart. A tear on our pillow. If we don't have a valentine we think that it's sort of...well...FML. But I'm here to tell you it's NOT like that. HELLO! Valentine's day is a day set apart to let others know how much you love them. Not just a significant other....but parents, friends, grandparents, etc...anyone really.
I was walking through the mall this past weekend and I guess watching all of the lovebirds hold hands and share a kiss and a smile was a bit disturbing. But beautiful. Because regardless of my confusing circumstance right now in my young 18 year old life. I know that someday I will have that...and that's exciting. So what if I don't have exactly what I want now? I have people who love me...I do.

Now, onto the funny story.

I was working at Fossil in the mall. I love that job most of the time anyways. So many good looking men come in and it just excites me. Anyways, ehhm. So a couple guys came in. One was quite charming if you ask me. But the other asian that was with him(no I do NOT have a problem with asians) that's just how I'm going to refer to him as. Anyways, the asian came in and was hunting around. I asked him if he was shopping for his valentine. He chuckled and said no. Then him and his friend(hopefully not gay lover) left. Half hour later they came into Fossil and I ended up helping the asian pick out a wallet. When he came to the register I asked him if he had a valentine. He said no. I then asked him if he'd like to be mine, jokingly? Well...I thought so. He came back 5 minutes later with a small box of Godiva chocolates. haha!! The next day, Toni and I went to dinner at Macaroni Grill. The waiter was a complete creepo to both of us. We kept a tally on how many times he touched out shoulder or back. 7 for me and more than that for Toni. He was a freak and um well, he was 34 with a 12 year old daughter. ew. Happy V day to ME!. pshhht not.

But my point is. Valentine's day is meant to be So much more than what it's all caught up to me. Remember that. It's about loving....

She was a lady.

2010-02-10T14:14:00.003-06:00

As my previous blog stated my grandmother who was 92 years old past away. She was an amazing woman inside and out and I would love to be even half as remarkable as her. This weekend was filled with a plethora of emotions...

My family and arrived in North English(Southeastern Iowa) Saturday morning. There we waited until family arrived the following day and monday. The visitation was Monday and there I got to see my cousins, aunt and uncles, family from out of state, and some other unique species that tagged along with my uncle.ehhm. Besides that it was a bittersweet evening filled with hugs from random strangers and also stories of my Grandma that made me just smile. It gave me reassurance that my Grandmother truly was a lady. Now, I never really thought about what the word 'lady' meant until this weekend. She was always made-up nice, always had a pleasant smile on her face and was well liked throughout the community. I miss her........so much. You never FULLY can grasp how much someone really impacted your life and others until they are gone.

Following the visitation we headed up to some family friends who live next door to my Aunt's house. They are such a gracious family who totally opened up their home to all of us, provided meals, and entertainment. You know, I never really have LOVED small towns until this weekend. Everyone waves, EVERYONE knows everyone, and when someone passes away the community was there bringing meals and plants to our family. What a blessing to us!

Tuesday was the funeral and it was a very tough time. As the funeral started and all of our family began to walk in my emotions began to tear me up inside. The first hymn was 'How Great Thou Art' and that was enough to ruin my mascara and eyeliner alone. Then came the speech about my Grandmother's life, and then the Pastor began to read what my Mom and I had to say about my Grandma. My Mom's was great. She mentioned the fact that she was my mom's age(46) when she had my mom. Crazy. I could NEVER picture my mother being prego or with a baby right now in her life. The Pastor then read my letter which made everyone cry. Writing for me is a very emotional thing. I put a lot of thought and emotions into what I write and so I wrote about all of the memories I had with my Grandma. It was sad, but I felt lead to tell Grandma how I felt and that I will never forget the memories.

This weekend was....yes, sad. Very sad. But I felt our family come together more than ever. They are truly great people. All of them. No matter how unique we all are or where we come from we all came together for Grandma's sake. I know it's what she would want. I love Grandma. May you rest in peace in Heaven

Rest in Peace, Grandma.

2010-02-05T11:46:00.002-06:00

I came home from Immersion(church) last night at about 10 or so and I saw my mom crying on the couch. She then informed me that my grandma(her mother) had died. This is really sad but I try to look on the brightside that she lived 92 years, had four kids, a long marriage, grandkids, very successful, etc. It's hard to know that she's gone but it's good because she's better off. I know she's in heaven with the Lord. Also she is with my Grandpa. He passed on 4 years ago. Grandma also lost a baby years ago and had never gotten over that. So I know she's with her baby now as well. If ya'll could keep my family and I in your prayers that would be very much appreciated. I love you grandma. miss you, but always remembering the memories.

Changes. Sometimes for the better.

2010-02-04T11:33:00.002-06:00

Sometimes adjusting to a new change can completely be a bittersweet feeling. I'm not talking about the kind of change like a new job, or moving, or starting a new school. Those are changes, yes, but the change I am talking about is the kind of change that can be the hardest. Saying goodbye to someone. Getting them out of your life. Not being close anymore.

I have a friend. He's been here for me a long time. Over two years. At one time he was my best friend and I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me. But sometimes happiness can only last so long before it starts to fall apart. Him and I dated and then were friends after that but it's just been kind of hard on me. Him and I don't agree on anything and he refuses to see me in person because of some reasons that I don't completely agree with. He wants sympathy about most things and tells me what to do. What kind of friend does that? After a while I told him that I was kind of sick of all of this. He was sick of me. I was sick of him. So as of two days ago I just told him that the best thing for both of us is probably if we don't talk because I'm at the point in my life I want to do my own thing, meet new people, start a new chapter in my life. How can I do this when he's standing in the way? When he wants me. But only half way. More so being a parental figure than a friend. What the heck? He's younger than me A, and B, it's not going to work when we only have a "friendship" over texting and he has to tell me what to do. I'm over it. I'm better of because I would get so upset. When someone stops making you happy and does nothing for you besides bring the bad side of you out...wouldn't you say it's wise to move on? Move on to better things? It's hard thinking how close him and I have been over the years and how much we've been through and what he's helped me through--but sometimes you just have to let go. I have moved on and I am really content with everything right now.

Which brings me to my next point. New boy. Nice boy. makes me happy.
He's older than me.
Much older than me.
(Go ahead push your jaw back up because I KNOW it dropped). But I don't care what other people think. In all honestly it's only a big deal to people who make it a big deal. . My parents are 11. I bet you're wondering how we met? We met at a bible study through Lutheran Church of Hope in WDM. It was funny because he walked through the door and I literally was like HOLY....COW....this guy is adorable. I turned to my friend and whispered "wow, he's cute, we're gonna end up dating someday" Lone and behold did I know he was thinking the same thing about me and how he thought I was cute. Little did he know I was still in HIGH SCHOOL. We started talking and progressively just started going out to coffee and staying up late talking on the phone about little things like our families and random facts about us. We aren't officially "together" and I'm not sure if it's in the plans or what because you never know what could happen. All I know is he is a great guy and I have realized how much better I am feeling when I'm with someone who genuinely cares and likes me for me.

So change CAN be hard. But sometimes saying goodbye to someone can actually mean that somebody else will come along and make you just as happy. (or happier)

AVEDA here I come? Sounds about right.

2010-01-29T23:17:00.002-06:00

So I mentioned in my previous post that I was going to the AVEDA Institute to get a glimpse of what it'd be like to be a student their. By the way, if anyone who is reading this isn't quite sure what the AVEDA Institute is, it's a beauty school. Only the classiest ever. I would never even CONSIDER going to La'James, ISB, or anywhere else. AVEDA is TOP NOTCH and I will be high up by the time I'm done with school in a very nice salon or spa. Anyways, so I went there yesterday and I went in, little did I know how HUGE that place is. Holy crap. I entered and had to dins the lady that I was meeting up with, my admission counselor Christine. We sat down and discussed when I decided I wanted to look into AVEDA, what my goals were, etc....and she was a totaly sweetheart. Loved her! I told her, I have always kind of thought about off and on about going to beauty school, but I have reallllllly been thinking hard about it in the past few days and thought, what the heck, I might as well go check it out.

It's kind of funny because lately I've just been going back and forth with trying to decide what I want to do with my life. I have been examining all of the options and decided that going to a four-year school isn't right for me, at this moment and that I think something else would suite me more. For any of you who truly know me, you know I have a love for art, singing, music, writing, coloring my hair, makeup...etc....and this just seems SO ideal for me. Also, the fact that I LA LA LA Looove people and what could be better than working with clients all day long and do things that I love?

I have decided that I will go for cosmetology first, and then...after that, I will proceed into going for Esthiology(skincare). Which is an additional 5 months. I will be in school for just under 2 years. I can do a lot of things with that. Christine informed me that with cosmetology and esthiology you can do more than just work in a Salon. I can travel all over the world..yes...world (there are AVEDA's all around the world). I can teach. I can be a salon owner. Start my own salon which I could TOTALLY see myself owning a cute little shop. Maybe add a little coffee shop or spa to it. Can you see it? Gosh, I can and it excites me. I am sooooo thrilled. God is so good at answering prayers and calming my worries. I'm crossing my fingers this all will work out.

Did I mention that this will just give me more incentive to do more crazy things with my hair? Oh! another plus...I can have tattoos...etc....beauty is about expressing yourself. What better job to have?

Could I be any more stressed? no.

2010-01-28T13:03:00.002-06:00

The answer is no. I probably couldn't be any more stressed than I am right now. But, it's my own fault. I have quite a few math assignments that I need to catch up on tonight because I was absent or just didn't feel like doing them. Now, it's all coming back to haunt me. Just my luck. Did I mention the test is tomorrow? FML. Seriously. I am screwed and I blame it on nobody but my freakin self. Nothing better than some good ol' fashion "tear yourself down" hour. I also have my creative writing song to put together which I'm not too stressed about because all I have to do is record and arrange the music that I already have for it. But still, why is it that I do everything ridiculously unorganized. I think that it'd kill me to have some consistent normality in my everyday life. NO. Instead I have to do it on a wing and fly by the seat of my pants. It kind of make things more exciting. But it makes me more stressed in some situations. How will I ever survive in the "real world" ha! I'm laughing because I probably won't. ;) But I guess this is who I am. I could get a little more organized, I suppose. In due time. I am saying this the second semester of my senior year. Too late? nahhhhhhhhh. Wish me luck in life, friends. heheh.

Just call me a mixing bowl full of mystery

2010-01-26T22:30:00.003-06:00

Alright, so I have a million and one things that I actually want to pursue in my lifetime. I believe that anyone can pursue anything if they take the time to set their mind to it. I have a meeting at Aveda Salon Institute tomorrow. Not sure what will happen, but it's definitely worth the shot. A lot of people think that they could definitely see me doing something like this. In a high class salon of course ;) It's worth a shot and who knows, I may find that I love it. Right now I'm kinda like...mehh...uhh....clueless? yeah. I mean, I could never see myself cutting someone's hair, or coloring it for that matter. But I have some kind of funk im me that says maybe I could do it. Not only do I Lalalala LOVE to dink around with my hair, but it's a way of self expression, which is awesome. You can have tattoos, piercings, whatever...and still be accepted into the world of beauty. That's what beauty is. Self expression. Art. Creativity. Color. Voice.
So tomorrow, I will walk into Aveda with my swag on. The confidence that maybe it would be fun. A chance to express myself, meet new people, and have fun. Even if this isn't my DREAM job(which it could be) at least I can always say that I have this as a back up plan....I love this. Not knowing exactly where I'm going or what I want to do with my life. It's kind of the story of my life. Maybe you think that's kind of lame. Call me unmotivated. no no...that's not it. I have things I want to do. I just feel like it's all in one mixing bowl. But for now it's ok, because that's who I am. I'm okay with it, because a little mystery never hurt a girl...especially me.

I have a dream.....

2010-01-26T12:00:00.002-06:00

So I've been doing a great deal of thinking. I got a reallllllllllllll nice guitar for Christmas. It's beautiful in every single way. I start lessons next week and I've never been more excited about learning a new hobby. I know a few things about how to play guitar probs from my cousin and her husband. Basically I can play some tabs. Other than that I just dink around with it and pretend I can play well. :)
Anyways, I have this idea that maybe one day I can actually pursue my singing and playing. A lot of you probably don't know that I have a passion for singing but am too shy to make my voice known most of the time. But when I do, people are in awe of my voice. I'm actually kind of timid in the fact that I don't think I'm that good. But I guess there's no harm in trying to get my voice out there, eventually. I have always enjoyed being the center of attention. Not to seem conceited or anything. But you know? I love public speaking, speeches, etc...but when it comes to singing I get so nervous. I am going to hopefully start voice lessons too. I am in chorus at school, but that just sucks. Like greatly. I don't enjoy it at all. And if my teacher reads this, yes...it's because of you....cough. Anyways. So this is kind of an exciting adventure for me. Starting a new hobby, and even if I don't become famous I can just be content with the fact that it's kind of my sactuary to be able to light a candle, play some music, and sing.

For His Glory.

2010-01-25T14:47:00.003-06:00

Alright, so I made final decision about the tattoo. I'm going to wait to get it. I called Sacred Skin and cancelled my appointment but oh well, twenty bucks down the drain or....having a tattoo that I have doubts about for the rest of my life? HM. I need time to cleanse myself, heal myself, etc...before I make a big decision like this. But I know in the long right, right now waiting is the best option. I prayed about it and I know this is the Lord giving me a clear sign. I'm content with that. Thank you Jesus.

On another note, last night I went to the Winter Jam concert. It was phenominal. The biggest thing was that I re committed my life to Christ. Making a change needs to happen and what better way to start on my 18th birthday? :) It was a great birthday and I'll ALWAYS cherish the memory that I had of it last night. Wow, God is so amazing....I love him.

Thanks to all of my friends for the birthday wishes by the way! :)

Dear John

2010-01-23T22:43:00.001-06:00

So I normally hate reading right? mmkay. Well I decided that I need to do more reading and what better way to start than to pick up a great book by Nicholas Sparks. Especially since "Dear John" is coming out as a movie next month. So exciting....I can not even put this book down. Savannah and John's love is starting to spark and it makes me keep wanting to turn the pagessssssssss! Off to read more :)

He is love.

2010-01-22T09:34:00.004-06:00

Many people have that special person in their life that will be there for them regardless of the circumstance. That one person to see you for who you really are, be there for you when you're hurting, be the hand to hold, and wipe away the tears from your face. Not only is that person there for you in the times that you need them most but they're also there for you in the most unexpected times when you feel like you can conquer life alone. I have this person, and I take him for granted. The truth is, is that I find myself falling more and more for this person. I guess what I'm trying to say is that don't let those good people slide by. Don't take them for granted like I have and am doing. Because life is too short to let the one's that take your breathe away slip right by. I met this person two years ago, his smile caught my eye. Every waking moment he's been there for me. He cares about me deeply. It's quite lovely. So why do I take him for granted? Why do I not listen to his loving advice and always do things that only harm myself and are not beneficial to my well-being? The answer lies in this, it's that I am so comforted by him, and that I know he's always going to be here that I just do what I want....even if it's the wrong choice. I'm selfish. How pathetic am I?

I realize though what it means to truly love someone. He has been the one to tell me it's all going to be okay. Even if I feel like all hope has been lost. The truth is. I need him more than ever....but I feel like before long he will be gone. If I want to change, I guess I need to start now. Love is being there for the girl that calls you at 2am. Love is holding her and telling her it's ok. Love is leaving roses on her doorstep. Love is making sure I'm ok. Love....is loving the girl unconditional that has done everything BUT making you proud. So, people, if you have this person.....and you love them. Don't let them slip by. Please, don't.

Love....is fragile......

opinions!!!

2010-01-20T22:31:00.004-06:00

I am sort of sick of my blonde hair. Should I change it up a bit?!!?

I'm getting it. I think.

2010-01-18T15:30:00.002-06:00

Yep, it's official. I turn eighteen in less than a week. I am super stoked because 18 means I can legally smoke, go to the strip clubs, and buy porn. ha! Too bad none of that intrigues me. Oh, but something that DOES intrigue me are tattoos. I have always wanted one and soooooo with that I will be getting one a week from Tuesday. (Tomorrow) I am getting the word strength tattooed on my forearm in cursive script writing. I have had 54574964 people tell me I should re think it and such, but everytime someone tells me this it makes me want to get it even MORE. mwuahaha....It definitely has meaning. That no matter how much I have messed up, and gone off path the only thing that can get me back on is the STRENGTH that I have through God. I keep thinking...hmmm....maybe I should wait until I get my head on straight. But honestly, will there ever be a time when I meet perfection? no. So why should I wait? I only live for so long, and I want this tattoo. Trust me, it won't be the last one I get either...well, unless the pain is ridiculous and I can't take it anymore....haha. Wish me Luck. And if you tell me that I should probably wait to get my tattoo, I will probably get angry. So just tell me it's an awesome idea and you will keep your limbs :)

what?

2010-01-16T22:13:00.003-06:00

I'm in a weird stage in my life.
It's very confusing.
I will leave it at that.
:/

Who am I?

What's this whole "Damsel in Distress" thing goin on?

2010-01-13T20:43:00.004-06:00

For many reading this, my classmates, teacher, or a complete stranger...you may be wondering just where and why I call myself and my blog site the "Damsel in Distress." Well, a Damsel is a young beautiful lady. In classic literature a young maiden was called a Damsel. Now, this young lady was normally caught in between of a prediciment and thrown in harms way by a villain or a monster. Hence, Damsel in Distress. Alright, so you got that part down? Now you are probably confused as to why I would choose this as the heading to my blog. I see it this way: Lately I have been caught in the middle of a lot of prediciments. Personal issues, family issues, faith issues and relational and friendship struggles as well. I see myself as this Damsel, beautiful on the inside and (sometimes) on the outside. But I have been weighed down by this villan. That is where I, the Damsel become Distressed. Another way to look at it from my persective is that God is the ultimate hero for me....in times of need I need him to come rescue me from the things that go wrong in my life. Like right now. I am ultimately a Damsel. Beautiful, striving, laughing, smiling ear to ear, running gracefully. But, when something trips us along the way we may loose our sense of who we are. I am in this position. Many of you may think I am crazy, and some of you know what I'm talking about if you are good enough friends with me. But lately I have struggled a lot, and it's definitely gotten in the way of my identity. Who I truly am is in there somewhere, but in the meantime I need to get back on track and find the Damsel that was, and IS truly beautiful.

This just added to my "Distress" title.

2010-01-12T14:51:00.003-06:00

Today marks the day of my first in school suspension. Yep, you read it right. SUSPENDED. Half a day, though...I still have an hour left of this hell. You're probably wondering why in God's name did I get an in school suspension in the first place? Well, you see....I was in my 3rd hour class-choir. Which btw, sucks balls just for the record. I HATE that class with a burning passion. Anyways, so we were getting up to sing more of our "Disney Dazzle" music and I jumped up enthusiastically and my phone flew, FLEW out of my sweater pocket and went sliding across the concrete floor. Sweet. It was just lying on the floor and I just pretended like nothing happened. Until what's his nuts looks over and I guess I'm not so sneaky because he totally saw me grabbing my phone. Then, he got real red in the face and started getting his pissy, woman voice. "Hilary is that yours?" "Yep" I replied. "It flew out of my pocket...and...yeah, I was just getting it". Then, he replied "Yeah, Hilary...like that could honesty happen, good one, nice try". Pshhhht, I was so p/o'd. Honestly? I wasn't even texting. He then did a little speed walk over to my spot when the bell rang and told me to hand over the phone and got all up in my grill. I then refused. Yep, I stood up to him. mwuahahaha. But, it didn't end so well. He said that either I give up the phone or he gives me a Saturday school. I said "SATURDAY SCHOOL." I was not giving up my baby phone...I refused. So I just walk out of the room. The next hour......I was in the gym and the big dude aka-my prince o pal came in and told me to follow him and that I had an in school suspension. Then we walked past all of my classmates who were eating their lunch. I was the talk of the school....psssst....."hey....hey.....why are you following prince o pal? They would gesture things at me like...WTF dude?! I just walked faster...maybe they would think I'm not actually walking with him. So, he basically shoves a book at me and I get trapped in a little room for like four hours...and here I am. I'm supposed to be working on my math right now...but I'm obviously blogging instead. Ms. Farrell, aren't you proud of my commitment to the blogging world? An hour left....could it go any S L O W E R.

Gotta love senior year :)

Damseling with even more Distress.

Oh relaxing evenings, I love thee.

2010-01-11T22:12:00.005-06:00

Oh Monday...sigh...I hate you. Well, most Mondays. Today started out kind of bad. As my alarm went off this morning I began to tell myself "5 more minutes, Hil then you HAVE to get your lazy butt out of bed and go shower. " Well 5 minutes turned into about 20 minutes. Then I rolled out of bed, flipped on my light and mumbled something like "holy crap I hate this" and then continued into my bathroom to take a shower. Then I got out, and layed in my bed for like 20 minutes. In my towel. Under my comforter. I fell asleep until I realized I had to be out the door in fifteen minutes. Real smooth, Hil. I did manage to only be a few seconds late to my Sociology class. I felt and looked like death. After first hour today the youngins had ITED'S so seniors had freedom....I had an hour and a half, so of course I wasted my gas and drove all the way back to my house in Waukee to SLEEP. I know...I know....lame. But a girl needs her sleep!

Tonight I decided I need a little R&R. So I went into Barnes and Noble, got a stack of books and began picking through them. I did not, however, enter into the starbuck's bubble though. Surprise surprise....I am a sucker for my coffee. But today....TODAY I didn't even enter! So there I was with a pile of books. One would think I would be big into reading. Nah...not at all. I did however find a book, and ended up buying it. After Barnes and Noble I came home and took a hot bubble bath with candles and some lovely tunes. I now am laying in bed, with my tea, candles, and more music. This is what makes me happy. Right here....content. I just can't think about the homework that I haven't even touched yet.
Well, I have to crack open this new book, and then...it's time to.....SLEEEEEEEEP! I love bedtime. G'night.

Love, the Damsel.

Tied together with a smile.

2010-01-07T21:35:00.002-06:00

I am laying in bed on this freezing Thursday night. Today we had a snow day, and tomorrow is another snow day....joy. I actually slept in until two o' clock this afternoon and layed around the rest of the day. I finally showered and brushed my teeth around 7 this evening. mmmm.....hott? I'd say so. Anyways, I think this is the most snow days I've ever had in the eleven years I've been in school. Insane. They are nice as a senior to have because we don't have to make them up. But, when you have THIS many....i'd almost rather be at school. At least then I wouldn't have to be around by stubborn mother.
Lately, life has been a handful.How do you deal with it...I mean I just want to move out, make my own life...and just be free. I will be eighteen in a couple weeks and could not be happier. I can already hear the hallelujah chorus. Maybe I'm the one who always messes things up. Maybe...just maybe my mom is right. Do I screw everything up? As I hear my family laughing downstairs I sometimes feel seperated from them. Yes, I have made some horrible decisions lately that will effect the rest of my life....and I'm sorry for that. I'm not this girl, though.

I'm sorry to be such a "Debbie downer" but it is what it is. I will be blogging again later tonight. Stay tuned.

Who wants to hug a hoarder?

2010-01-06T00:23:00.004-06:00

I am giving myself a pat on the back. I finally going to have a reason to blog. I found my password and everything. So proud...so proud. Blogging is going to be kind of a big deal in my Creative Writing class. I am pretty stoked on it. I love it. Kudos to Ms. Farrell for trying this trial and error experiment. We all can't wait to read Chad's blog...it's going to be the best one. But, he will probably ruin it for all of us with his innapropriate posts :)

As you all know(or should know) The hawks kicked ass in the last bit of the game. I could care less. Well, Allie goes to Iowa so I have to support the team some. I just am not that into football...OK, I shouldn't say that...there is one thing that attracts me to the game of football and that would be...the football players nice....nice....arms. yup. How exciting though that we won the Orange bowl. I am stupid when it comes to football. Here are three valid points of why Hilary Wright is a moron when it comes to the game of football:
A) I thought the Orange Bowl was such a big deal it was a two day game.
B) I wasn't sure if the Orange Bowl involved something with basketball too.
C) I totally asked if the Hawks now got into the Super Bowl.

yep. valid points of idioticy. (is that a word?)

Anyways. On another subject...there are some shows that I can not stop waching these days. Such as....HOARDERS. If you don't know what Hoarders is, I never want to speak to you again. It's the best. Basically, it's about crazy people who have this mental illness called "Hoarding"....a compulsive mental disorder. You save EVERYTHING....from dirty diapers, to dead animals, to food from twenty years ago...to toys that belonged to your seventeen year old daughter from when she was an infant. Can you imagine? First off, how could anyone live in that? The smell would be horrible. No wonder all the Hoarders are single. Nobody wants to hug a hoarder when they and their house smells like feces. YUM.
Another show that is up there on my list is INTERVENTION. Love knowing about people's serious drug/alcohol problems. It's just sad. But it's very interesting.

OK, my dog keeps ripping ass and I can not take it anymore. Time to sleep. Goodnight, All.

My mind is staring into a deep deep daze.

2009-05-18T12:03:00.002-05:00

It seems as though high school has been flying by incredibly fast. OK-well to tell you the truth there is no seems. It actually has. I have 9 days left of my junior year, and then I'm a big bad junior. I'm actually ready to get the h out of this gloomy bubble of ADM. On the otherhand, seeing my sister graduate yesterday, as well as some of my good friends, and those that I have grown up with for years was definitely a bittersweet moment.
I cried a little during the songs I sang, I'm not sure why. I always reminice(sp?) of the good ol' days. Which seem like yesterday.

Senior year will be great. You get to knock books out of underclassman and yell seniors rule. If you're really bad ass you will cut them in the lunch line. Wow, big deal. The best part is you get the front lot for parking. So legit. Means less walking on cold, snowy days.

I recently have been worrying about EVERY little thing. But in Bob Marley's words "Every little thing, is gonna be alright" Easier said, right?

peace.

I'm finally updating-not like anyone is going to read this anyway...

2009-05-08T08:34:00.002-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that I haven't written in my blog in literally months? Yeah....I need to get better at this because I really do enjoy blogging...

I have just a few more weeks of my junior year left, Thank the Lord...

I have also come to the conclusion that things should have been different in the past. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about but, now it's a little too late. : / Oh well, God has a plan....just to look at things optimistically.

Here's something cool that is going to happen. In June I'm going to New York to visit Nyack College in New York. I'm way stoked, and the cool thing is, is that I'm going alone. I think it'll be good for me just to have some time along on the plane to think, and use that time for prayer as well. A lot has been going on. But It's been a bittersweet time.

I need to keep studying...kkkkk. I'll be writing more later. I promise.

Can't even know.

2009-02-10T21:12:00.002-06:00

Life has been good, so why all of a sudden on this Tuesday night am I feeling a bit down? I'm really not even sure. I wish I could explain. I have a friend, she likes this kid who isn't good for her. Nice kid, but I don't want her with him, because she's such a sweetheart, and quite honestly? Too good for him. I just want to shoo him away, but I know that it's out of my hands. I have also been thinking about how limited good guys are these days. As I was standing at the game tonight, staring into space at times, and everything just seemed to be in slow motion, and the sound drowned everything out. I was just standing there thinking, and listening. Watching....everything. Sometimes I want that guy in high school, to have around. To have as that encouragement. Tonight I wanted the one guy who was 1,700 miles away with me tonight, because he's the most encouraging guy I know. Probably the best guy I know, and yet he's so far. I wanted to tell him how awesome he is, and I wish there was someone like him, here. Because society is lacking gentleman. Even my sister has some guy she's talking to, my friends have awesome guys. I know one day, when I least expect it, that guy is going to come clearly, abd quite honestly I don't want a guy...but once in a while it would be nice to have a guy do something nice for me. Do I even want to go to the subject that prom is going to suck if I don't have a rockin awesome prom date. Not nto mention a smokin hot expensive dress that I will look stunning in. ughhh. High school. I'm trying to take all of this in.

Can this really happen?

2009-01-07T22:13:00.001-06:00

I am 16 years old, and have a brother from my dad's previous marriage. My dad's son is approaching 31. I have never talked to him. Got a facebook friend request from him, and now we talked a whole lot tonight. We clicked, and realized we have the same Dad's nose. after all these years. God has a purpose and a plan. I can't even talk, I'm in a bit of shock....

Jeremiah 29:11

2008-12-09T22:45:00.001-06:00

I'm sitting here. Contemplating on my life. I am sixteen, going on seventeen, and couldn't be more sure about what I want to do in life. I have been pondering this, and it's coming more and more clear. Just not the WHERE I want to go. I want to do either psychology or social work, and minoring either, Counseling, journalism, or something to do with religion. I want to do this only in the inner city setting, for kids under like the age of 12. I have this vision of little kids coming in my office that overlooks the big city, and they come crying to me about the tragedies that they have faces as a young child in the city. How awesome would it be so sit there, listen to their problems, and trying to heal those burdens with the love of Christ. I am starting to collect more and more Christian non-fiction so I can one day have them on my shelf. I want to one day be a writer, this I recently established. I want to have this book filled with everything I have learned as a Christian Social worker/psychologist for kids, and how it has turned my life upside down, and changed it, as I'm sure it will. For those kids will come to me hurt, and longing for love, some arms will be open wide, and some kids will have anger and be more set back and calm. How awesome would this be? I recently have been shown three people in my life who need the love of Christ. About a month ago, while working at the ice cream shoppe a little girl came in. Burdened by the fact that her father was a raging alcoholic, that all she'd ever seen was abuse by her parents. It touched my heart in huge way. Why did this 4 foot 9, 12 year old girl deserve this in her life? Her I am, two Godly parents, stable parents, and my relationship with Christ continuing to bloom. I knew I met this girl for a reason, as she left the shoppe three hours later, I looked into her blue eyes and I took her by the shoulders and told her to never forget that I am here, and I gave her my number. Haven't seen her much sense, but she is often on my mind, and I know that it's not the end. The second person, is this amazing girl I work with, she's 22 and engaged. She's a baby Christian, and found Christ because the man she is marrying. This girl was into drugs, alcohol, you name it...she did it. This gives me goosebumps, because it makes me feel God, knowing that he IS here, and he is just waiting...waiting for us to come to the Cross with our burdens. This girl, has done a complete 180-and gave her life up to Christ a year ago like, next week. The Third encounter, again, I was working at the Shoppe, A familiar face came in that had come in the previous week, only this time alone. He was a middle aged man with a smile from ear to ear. We ended up talking about how he was an alcoholic, and he became a Christian about 5 years ago, and he starts quoting scripture, better than what I could even do. We discussed life, and telling each other how Christ has been working. This is hard to believe, but God has been working in my life, I am proud to say. I can see it, feel it, and just imagine what it's going to be like in my future.
I am looking into graduating early at semester next year, which means I only have about a year left exactly of High School. It's a bittersweet feeling. Where has time gone? Seriously? I remember the days home with mom, staying in all day, playing with my toys, and eating snacks. I remember the time, when I was about 1 coming down to a new dollhouse, and reading with my mom and dad, I remember waiting for dad to come home at 3am when I was 3, I would hear him come home, because he used to work nights and I'd wave. Like I was trained to wake up then. I always get emotional when writing about my past and how sometimes all I want to do is go back. I never thought these days would come. Sitting her remeniscing about life, and laughs, and memories good and bad.
I often wonder where my God wants me? I am looking at a couple schools out of states, and have been talking to some great people. I am keeping the prayers going wild in my head. Praying that even though I have some time to decide, that I would not feel discouraged, and the exciting thing is, is that God already knows where I'm going to end up. So why am I worrying? Well, it's human nature. Knowing you want something so bad it hurts makes it worse. May God keep reminding me this:

"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to PROSPER not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." Jeremiah 29:11

I am the truest of true babies.

2008-11-20T13:15:00.003-06:00

I want to get out of here. I am SO sick of high school, stupid people. School in general. It's flying by so fast though already. Crazy I'm almost halfway done with my Junior year.
Next week is Thanksgiving and my best friend is COMING HOME! Yes, My dearest Kelsaleeeeee Charleston. I miss her so incredibly much, so we're going to plan something real dece.

"Be careful what you wish for, the mystery starts now"-Five for fighting.

I adore them. Truest rockstars.

Today is a good day, one more class after this :Physiology, then off to work. Then HOME. Lots of school work tonight though, unless I get side tracked. But I AM gonna work out after work.....finally. yah! I need to get on my work out schedule again.

I'll write more tonight.

That just made my night.

2008-11-19T20:35:00.004-06:00

I'm currently listening to LADY ANTEBELLUM. Wow, amazing. I never stop finding new bands that I fall in love with. I think for Christmas the majority of my list will be CD's. Oh, and a guitar. Did I mention I'm learning? True statement. My lovely friend Melissa has taught me some, but I hope to get my own and keep at it. It's so much fun, and yet very frustrating and tough. My little baby fingers will no longer be babies after I'm finished rocking out :)

Today I went back to school. It was an easy day pretty much, except for the lovely make up work. Which I haven't touched yet, by the way. School is going pretty smoothly thus far. But I shouldn't say that. (knock on wood) I will probably get to OPT out of my two classes that I have A's in which will be wonderful! So pray I keep it up!

Today at work: What an adventure!!! I work with this blonde, love her to death, but sometimes I just have to walk out of the room out of frustration. Like one time, she's like..."hey, hilary, where's that think that you like use to like pick up dirt with, that like goes on the floor......"(meaning the BROOM) I just kind of laughed at her, and hit myself in the head laughing. But anyways, today she was cleaning the bathroom, and there's this one nasty toilet that always won't flush, and you have to lift up the back part of the toilet, and re-connect this chain so it'll flush. So she's like in there, and I'm thinking....oh geez, it'll be another poop mess I have to clean up. No, she's like...the toilet won't flush, and some kid just took the biggest dump! But I fixed the toilet, getting my sleeve wet and everything. I'm not scared of anything anymore. I think God's going to bless me with a bunch of boys. I had a stressful afternoon there, and really had to pray for patience, because I was lacking it. But then...when I got home, I talked to my good friend from NY over facebook for a few minutes, and he made me laugh non-stop. So that always makes things better. A good ab work out from laughter! I had better get going, since it's almost 9. Thanks for Reading.....

Hilary Brooke

Wednesday, more like Monday for me.

2008-11-19T00:20:00.002-06:00

I have been sick all week. Well Monday, and Tuesday. So tomorrow will most definately be like a Monday for me, and hello make up work. I'm going to have a lot to catch up on. I am also wide awake, the fact that sleeping has been the 'story of my life' for the past two days is the cause of this sleeping shin-dig. I am feeling quite lazy, that is a fact. I'm off my sleep schedule. Actually there never has nor will there ever be a sleep schedule for me.
Today was a slightly boring-wait! Who am I kidding? It was way lame of a day, but I can't complain because it's better than school. Eating ice cream, watching movies, sleeping. That is the life. Right? Thank you for those who have been praying that I feel better....it's much needed.

I have a lot on my mind right now. When do I NOT have a lot on my mind though? Seriously? I'm such a thinker. Which may be a good thing since I'm going into psychology. I have so much I want to do. I know I want to do something with psychology, and kids perhaps. But then I got this huge gust of idea from Teena Case that says she thinks I'd be good at military psychology. Traveling around the world, and helping familes which would be awesome. I could just never ever picture myself in the military, ever. What are you hinting to me about God? Another part says to go into a large city, and help those hurting kids, and heal the wounds with the love of Jesus, and just as Jesus did...showing them that love. I have a picture in my head, of myself in a large city, in a huge building, with my office, and a shelf full of these Christian books that I have right now. That is one of my secrets, that each and every bible, and Christian book I have will one day benefit others, and be on the shelf to view....hmmm. Or maybe a psychologist who could right in a news column. I have thought of that, I absolutely love writing, and giving advice. Isn't there a column in the DM Register, asking some lady for advice...I can't remember her name. But I could totally be a better version of that :)
And then, on top of all of that, I would love to be a photographer, absolutely love taking pictures. More of myself, I know...narcistic, but I love it. At least I have a long list of dreams, it's so fun thinking about.

until next time.

Ah, what a WONDERFUL night for Coffee with friends :)

2008-11-13T22:26:00.003-06:00

Tonight Teena and I went to Caribou. Sigh....oh...my caribou. (Slaps myself) No! But seriously, if you haven't been there you really should. I go there like once a week, sad to say! mmm..
Anyways, we had such a good time, I love rainy nights, and coffee, and good friends just adds to it. I'm so blessed to have such great friends in my life. She was such a great listener, and it was fun to talk about life with her! Good times.

Anyways, tommorow is Friday! YES! I have nothing going on tommorow. That sounds lame, but Friday nights are used to chill, which I am PERFECTLY fine with after a long week of school, and working every night. I could use a movie night.

I have been thinking I need to start going back to the YMCA and working out all the time like I used to, but I'm SOOOO busy. urrghh. This summer I got super buff, and was on fire...and now I'm just on the go all the time. I'm not gaining much weight, which is a plus...but I always feel better after working out. My membership is paid each month off my Visa, and I never go. yikes.

Well, I should probably go do some homework....which means it will get done like tommorow morning before class, haha. I forgot about my 1st hour vocab homework AGAIN!!! frick. um....I always forget and study in just a few minutes and always get 100% must be luck :)

keep reading, Hilary.

Happy Tuesday Night

2008-11-11T22:59:00.003-06:00

Almost half way through the week already. yes! We had a chorus concert tonight, and so I'm super tired....but couldn't forget about my dear blog again :)

Tommorow is an early out. I'm going to try and find out how to make this blog a bit more snazzier :) You'll have to see.

Goodnight.

This Winding Road

2008-11-09T23:13:00.002-06:00

"God is our refuge and strength, an everpresent help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall to the heart of the sea."-Psalm 46:1-2

My friend from New York gave me this verse and it has really helped me a lot. That he IS our strength in times of trouble. Things aren't the GREATEST right now, but you know...they could always be worse. Last night in my girls group we talked abou this, and I DO believe he throws stuff at us to see how well we can get through the obsticle course, and how much stronger we will be in the end. We should not FEAR the difficult times, but be optimistic, looking at it as a way to grow in our relationships with Christ.

I'm back in Action

2008-11-06T22:56:00.000-06:00

I've been putting off this whole blogging thing. I don't think anyone truly reads it. But it's just so nice almost to have somewhere to put all my thoughts on besides my Journal.

What has been going on in the life of Miss Hilary Brooke? A lot... Going to school, and then right after school going to the Day Care Center, and then on occasion working at the Ice Cream Shoppe here in Town. I've just been pretty busy, getting this car...soon. I can't wait.

I've been thinking a lot. Thinking about all the wonderful people in my life. I have lost some friends, but have gained so many more. I have this really great guy friend in New York, he actually attends West Point Military Academy. He has been such a blessing in my life. Met him ona mission trip two summers ago in Omaha originally from Iowa. He's been that guy who has been such an encouragement, through hard times. It's strange to think that a guy that you meet 5 minutes in a homeless church will be one of your best friends. God works in strange ways.

I am starting to think more and more about college....I have three choices Narrowed down I think. Northwestern in Orange City, Union University in Tennessee, and Nyack in New York. I have met this girl from Nyack, she is one of the most Godly girls I know, and is truly like a sister to me. I have been helping her a lot, she's been going through some rocky times. I believe God places people in lives for reasons unknown. Reasons that are seen but yet truly, when you look deep within they are mind boggling. I don't DESERVE all of these amazing people, plus my God.....but he continues to be good, and faithful and pours out his grace to us.

I have been praying and thinking a lot about the future, but when it comes down to it. We should be remembering that in the Book of Jeremiah the Lord reminds us that he has a plan for us, and that it will bring us hope, and a future. (29:11) I have been reading this amazing book by Billy Graham, it's called JOURNEY. I urge you to read it if you haven't. It's all about the Journey that life takes us, and what the Lord's purpose is for us. As anxious as I can get, and wonder about all the small things in life, or maybe even huge, I know at the end of the day...when I lay my head on my pillow it's him that will guide me onto the path, and the Journey that will be beneficial to my future.

I haven't forgot about my dear old blog.

2008-10-13T22:35:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I have been slacking on this whole blog deal. I promise I will try and get better with it.

Today was a good day. went to IA city to tour the campus since my sister is an official hawk....that is crazy to think. I would talk more about that but I have too much other stuff on my mind.

I am that type of person who thinks way to much into the future. And maybe people just don't think enough. I really don't know. There is something going on right now, and I'm just so confused. Sometimes I'm in tears over this. and I know, there's no reason to worry or wonder...but it's just so hard. Liking someone so much, for the Godly being they are, and someone who brings you UP, and makes you want to be a better person just is hard when they're so far away. What is God's purpose, and plan? I don't understand, and won't.

But I will rememeber Jeremiah 29:11 because It's the only thing that keeps my faith. on. going.

I will touch more on this later, it's late........

Saturday Night and I'm lookin flyyyy

2008-09-27T23:05:00.001-05:00

Longest day of my life. Maybe.
I went to bed at three in the morning, and to top it all off I had to get yo at 6:30 to babysit a little one up the street. I was done by like 11 ish, so I went home for a couple of hours and then had to be at work at three, until seven.
AND THEN...(drumroll please.....)

I got to talk to one of my best guy friends from NY, which always makes my saturday nights....It's like a ritual that J.C and I talk every saturday night as I go for my walk and end up always going to the pond, and laying there just laughing away, I love good friends. But 1700 miles makes it even tougher....

My sister has a boy over, so I do not dare going down to the living room to disturb there quality talk, haha, I'm in my own little blogging world up here anyways, in my room. I have my windows open, and all I hear are the crickets, and can feel the brisk breeze travel through my window, you have got to love Fall, no? Love it!

Tommorow is Sunday. Going to church, and then...I have a hot date with my second mother. Miss Paula Grapp. I better get something done, like putting my clothes away that are still on my bed.....

XOXO

Oh, the joys of Friday.

2008-09-26T22:09:00.001-05:00

Hey there my dear blog readers, which may only consist of Jessie right now, but I hope it increases :) Anyways, my day was chaotic. School was a bore as usual, followed by work at Kid's Company...followed by work at the ice cream shoppe. Goodness. How lame is it when all I want to do is be home on a Friday night?! I know right? LAME. I feel like a 40 year old mother with her 5 kids and after a long day wants to come home. I'm getting old...at 16! Just kidding, maybe...:)

I have to babysit tomorrow at 7:30 am to about noon ish. I'll be home for a few hours, and then off to work again at the ice cream bidness' til' seven.

I would love to right now about my day but I am literally falling asleep. and I need Ellen Scott's foot massage right about now.

Au Revoir.

hills.

It's been a great day.

2008-09-25T21:18:00.000-05:00

Hola!
Today was just awesome.... did I actually say that? Because I haven't had a day like this in a long time. School was pretty much a breeze, the french test went well for not studying much at all.
I went to work after school, then came home to a lovely letter addressed from my friend in New York. I opened it up, and honestly it made my whole entire day. yes, a piece of paper can do that...at least for me. It also reminded me that there are still sweet boys out there. Despite the distance of 1700 miles. This friend is a true blessing in my life, much more than what I deserve.
I better stop before I get 'sappy' on you. haha.

Oh I was going to also mention that today at the daycare center my this little devil child dru, she's the cutest little african american girl...with some problems. as in.....behavioral. Let's see, she ripped a teachers shirt, in the definate wrong area one day. But today Dru decides to take a marker and streak it on the back of my favorite Abercromie sweatshirt, and then attempting to bend my finger back. HA! Good thing thumbs can't bend. I showed her. She is a real piece of work, and challenges my patience everyday, but still I can't get mad at her because she is pretty much adorable. Today I gave her a snack and we literally 'pinky promised' to be friends. haha, it was funny.

I wore my sister's UGG boots today. Um...big mistake. It was so warm today.......my feet were in a sauna. and I thought I got something on them, but let's just say that if she asks about the spot, I will most definately say that they were on there before I wore them....I love my sister....;)

Well, I'm out for the night. Keep Reading :)

-hil.

Good ol' Wednesday.

2008-09-25T21:17:00.000-05:00

Greetings from my Computer. yep that's right. I moved the computer to my cozy little room. It almost feels like a college dorm. My tunes, and my candles. Got to love it!

So I'm sitting here in my newly arranged room. Actually I must tell you that I cheated and took everything off my floor and piled it onto my bed. Now I'm probably just going to shove everything on my floor since it's 9:30 and I still need to study for french. LAME.

The song I currently listening to on the radio:

"NANANANNA I'm gonna start a fight,So so what I'm still a rockstar I've got my rock moves, and I DON'T neeeed you"-------PINK.

Kind of a gay song, but it makes good tunes to rock out to huh? I'm almost to delirious and tired to think so I'm probably sounding like a complete retard typing all of this. Good times.

______________________________________________________________

So I'm tryng to think what else is going on for me this week? Here's the agenda.

Thursday-School, Work, nothing.

Friday-School, work, home, work @ job two :(

Saturday-Babysitting, and work.

Sunday- Lil bit of churchey church, lunch date, and work.

SO BASICALLY=Hilary works too much for her own good. But I'm currently buying a car so I'm pretty much feeling the need to get all the $$$ I can get.

_______________________________________________________________

Another major think that's happening is...my 91 year old grandmother is losing her mind. No really, she is. In some ways it makes us chuckle but this is serious. So far she has come up with the following stories:

-My parents got a divorce, because my dad cheated on my mom

-My mom is moving to Montezuma

-Uncle Dan commited Suicide

-Aunt Pat went blind and her legs got amputated.

Is that NOT crazy?!?! and....kind of scary at the same time. :(

Alrighty kiddos I'm heading out, got to study for some french, take care of the heap of clothes on my bed, and than go sleep. Maybe I'll come up with my own dreams like......my house burnt down, my cat fell out of a tree, my sister ate me, and maybe even a story like everyone in my family died and I'm an orphan on the street. Not funny I know...just a thought :)

Peace Out!

Sucky Monday's. Gotta Love em?

2008-09-22T14:16:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning totally in a bad mood, and did not want to get out of bed. I didn't even change out of my pants I went to bed in. Classy huh? I was up late last night "studying". no...more like texting until close to one. I pretty much gave up on studying after I got to the first page in my reading in history. Result? Failing my history test I'm pretty sure :( I have a massive headache today, and having a horrible day with this mop I call hair on top of my head. Whatever....I'm sitting in the media center right now, open campus. It all goes up hill from here...well sort of.

I go to work at the daycare center after this, and might I mention that friday was my worst experience ever. I kid decides to share his poo with the floor and drops the kids off...ON THE FLOOR. Honestly how can that happen? Guess who was the lucky one to clean it up. yep, MUAH. You've got to be kidding me. I'm thinking that job pretty much sucks. It's the money that keeps me going.

After that job I come home at about 5:30 and eat some dinner if I have time, maybe change clothes and go to my other job at this little Ice Cream shoppe. Dealing with annoying kids screaming "I want bubblegum ice tream" over...and over again. Piercing my ears. Then there's the parents who just chose to smile at them. AH.

Enough of my venting. I'm going to be optimistic, one day I will :)

I pretty much want to be done with HS right now. First hour comp. was just a good time....(sarcasm). I just sit there laughing inside at all the strange people that surround me. I'm not even exaggerating. Little Adel has become somewhere where I want to flee in a year and a half. Can't wait.

Alright Kids, well I have got to actually go do some college research stuff, fun stuff. Continue Reading...

hilary.

So I decided to Blog

2008-09-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

So I had a sudden boost to start blogging I guess? I've always wanted to "vent" over one of these things. Not so much venting my just have a spot to write down all of my lovely happenings that rarely occur in my life. I don't know how dedicated I will be to this thing but will try my best. I hope my blogs bring you lots of laughter, smiles, and maybe tears. (gag) okay whatever. Let's get this little shin-dig on the road. For all of you that know me already know what I'm like and who I am...laaa de dah. But I spose I SHOULD tell/talk a little bit about myself so then you get some sort of idea who this hills2010 is....

So I'm Hilary, and I live in small town Iowa. Kind of lame if you ask me. I'm sixteen, and a junior in highschool. It sucks honestly. My High school is full of arrogant boys, and girls that think they're just the hottest, best things ever. whatever. Can't wait to be done...
I'm outgoing, and just love having fun overall. I'm very random, and have odd quirks like hating odd numbers, eating raw ramen noodles, and having frequent ODD dreams every night of my life. uhhh. I dance. a LOT. Like if someone were to look at me they would wonder why my mother hasn't put me on any medication yet.
I love my life overall. Some days are better than others. Typical.
I love shopping, and hanging out with my friends. Going to Bravo, and walking around the lake, driving around with the windows down. My favorite past time.

anyways. this is me, but only in a nutshell. So welcome to my life....and please continue reading. I gotta run now, so I will keep updating as much as I can.

~Hilary~